Family Christian Counseling LIBRARY

Title: COPING WITH GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Author: ROSE ENGLISH, LMFT

The holiday season can be a very difficult time for those who have lost a loved one. If you have lost someone through death or divorce or through other losses such as your home, your job, your dreams you may be dreading this holiday season. . There are things that one can do to help lessen the stress of the holidays. Implementing the following steps suggested by Grief Net Library, Coping with Grief during Holidays, http://griefnet.org/library/tips.html can help in dealing with the hurt and pain of the loss.
" Relax and give yourself permission to grieve and do not worry about what others might think.
" Decide what you can handle comfortably and let family and friends know.
" Make some changes if they feel comfortable for you. If you cannot celebrate the first holidays without your loved one that is okay, it is your decision. Realize this is a new holiday, not like past holidays.
" Re-Examine your priorities: greeting cards, holiday baking, decorating, putting up a tree, family dinner, etc.
" Consider doing something special for someone else. Donate a gift in the memory of your loved one. Adopt a needy family for the holidays. Invite a guest (foreign student, senior citizen) to share festivities.
" Recognize your loved one's presence in the family. Burn a special candle. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which others can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs.
" Observe the holidays in ways which are comfortable for you. There is no right or wrong way.
" Try to get enough rest - holidays can be emotionally and physically draining.
" Allow yourself to express your feelings.
" Do not be afraid to have fun. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful.
" There is no set time to grieving. How long one does or does not grieve has nothing to do with how much love they had for that individual.
" It is okay to cry. Crying is a God given expression of emotion and there is healing in tears. Tears are cleansing for the body.

Remember that we have a God who loves us and as Christians we can say with confidence, that we will be with our loved one again one day in Heaven.
God promises us in Psalms 34:18 that "HE is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

We serve a loving God and in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 it tells us that "God comforts us in all our afflictions so we in turn may be able to comfort those with the comfort where we are comforted by God"

If someone you love is experiencing grief this holiday season, Nancy Schimelpfening, http://depression.ablout.com/library/weekly/aa110299.htm offers the following suggestions for you to do to offer support for your friend or loved one.:

" Be a good listener - your loved one may need to talk and express their feelings.
" Provide reassurance - they may be experiencing guilt - let them know that they did what they could.
" Be available.
" Help out with errands and other tasks.
" Be patient - if a loved one refuses to accept your invitations to dinner, etc., be patient and keep asking. In time they will be ready.
" Keep in touch - calls, letters, flowers.
" Pray

What Not to Do:

" Do not avoid them
" Do not pressure them to stop grieving - everyone grieves differently and in their own time. There is no set time limit for grieving.
" Do not hide your feelings - grieve together, hold each other and cry, talk about good times you had together.
" Do not advise them to let go of clothing or personal effects before they are ready.
" Do not say "you can have another baby."
" Do not say "it was for the best"
" Do not say "I know how you feel" unless you really do."

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