FAMILY 
  CHRISTIAN
  COUNSELING
 
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  Office Complex
  3035 NW 63rd St.
  Suite 101
  OKCity, OK 73116

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Title: UNDERSTANDING A FAMILY'S CRISIS WHERE MENTAL RETARDATION HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED

Author: JANET BLAZER, MA

Early societies thought that evil spirits possessed anyone who was different. The Spartans and Romans practiced eliminating severely defective individuals by deliberately abandoning them and exposing them to the elements in an attempt to eliminate the weak. Phillip IV, gathered the handicapped and retarded individuals to his court for purposes of entertainment. The Aztec Emperor formed the Court jesters who if they survived the disdain and abuse lived relatively well within the royal court. The "Fool Societies" were formed and they wore the bell-capped garments of the court fool so that they would not be held responsible for any of their words or deeds. During the Renaissance era derogatory terms as "Simple Simon", "Village Idiot", "bumpkin" and "fool" were used to refer to this population. Martin Luther regarded the retarded as "merely a mass of flesh" to be done away with. Colonial America confined, banished, or considered them dangerous and treated them like minor criminals. If the person chose to remain after being banished the men would receive 36 lashes and the women 25 lashes on their backs.
The Egyptians provided care through their healing temples. The Bishop of Myra, St Nicholas, performed wondrous works and became the prototype for the modern Santa Claus. He took a particular strong interest in individuals with learning disabilities and urged that they be given tender care. During the Middle Ages the first asylums were built as a place of refuge and Christian churches offered the residents protection.

Every society has had to decide how to work with the problem of Mental Retardation. Often the response to what we do not understand is fear. The American Association of Mental Deficiency states, "Mental Retardation refers to subaverage general intellectual function which originates in the developmental period and is associated with impairment in adaptive behavior." For the developmental period this disability is manifested before the age of 22. The impairment results in substantial functional limitations in three or more of the following areas of major life activity: Self-care; receptive and expressive language; learning; mobility; self-direction; capacity for independent living; and economic self-sufficiency.
In order for our present society to address this population their voice must be heard and understood. "I am more like you than I am different. I have the same daily struggles and emotions that you have. I feel grief, abandonment, isolation, rejection and fear. I want to belong, to feel worthy and competent. I want to be treated with dignity and respect. I want to be treated my chronological age, not what my IQ score reflects. I can do many things if given the opportunity and the right adaptive equipment. I have the capacity to love the Lord. I may have a child-like faith, but that is what God asks of all of us. I want and need for the churches to be a place where I can come and worship and learn. Oh, for people to see me as God sees me. A warm-firm handshake and a smile are worth precious gold. If I cross over your boundaries I can accept a tender-loving-caring correction. Please tell me what you expect from me, without rejection or patronization. Mine is not an easy road, but it is my road."

"The road for my family is equally difficult. All parents need information and support as they raise their children. My parents found it not so easy to find help. My parents expected a perfect child but instead I was born disabled. There were cycles of grief when I entered school, when other children my age were graduating; when others are leaving home for career and marriage; and when others are being blessed with grandchildren. At birth my parents felt emotionally disorganized with feelings of disbelief, sadness, and grief. They felt anger, denial, and guilt. There were feelings of failure, blaming themselves or sometimes blaming others. My parents had to make the decision to care for me at home or to place me in a different living environment. There are critical stages and many adjustment and decisions in the lives of parents with disabled children. These often put a strain on the marriage and on extended family members. My parents could have used help in understanding themselves and me. They needed to find their own strengths, talents and potential as well as for me. My parents had to learn how to focus on the needs of my entire family and not just my needs. My siblings also needed my parents and help to adjust. At times they needed to take a vacation, or go to a funeral, to celebrate their anniversary, if only they had someone for respite care. Parents are not all alike. They have different outlooks on life, due to their individual attitudes, values, and beliefs. They have different interests, likes, and dislikes. My parents needed to be guided to resources that matched their needs. My parents had to become strong, assertive, knowledgeable advocates for my rights. My parents at some point will have to decide who will continue to take care of me when they are gone. I am thankful that our society has become more understanding and accepting. I am thankful that I am not the "court jester," or part of the "Fools Society". I am grateful that we as a society can learn from our past. We have come a long way; we have a long way to go."

Janet Blazer, MA.
 


 

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