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I
have long believed that as Christians our mistakes and
failures do not have to remain as such if we learn
from them. Often my problem seems to be that I am not
always teachable. Recently, I was challenged by an
article written by Dr. Mary Manz Simon. Dr. Simon
addressed common mistakes that parents make and asked
parents to see what lessons might be learned from
them. None of us are perfect parents, but I believe we
take big steps toward becoming better parents if we
take the time to see what God would teach us from our
mistakes. I want to look at some common mistakes of
parents and the lesson that can be learned from them.
The
Mistake:
Hesitating to Clarify Right from Wrong. For a
variety of reasons many parents are afraid to parent.
This seems to manifest itself in many ways but often
shows up in a divorce situation. The
"weekend" parent may sacrifice opportunities
to train a child or to teach values in order for the
child to have a pleasant weekend with him or her.
A parent may be afraid that their child will not like
them or not want to risk confrontation.
God
gave us rules to live by. They are for our own
good. As we follow God's rules we discover that
life is better and God's rules make sense. God's rules
are for us and for our children. There are
things that are right and things that are wrong.
Our role as parents is to teach our children the
difference. Parenting is not a popularity contest. Our
children will make mistakes and they, like us, need to
learn from those mistakes.
The
Lesson: Children
need clear rules. As a parent we need to set
those rules. We need to be fair. We need to be
flexible. We need to make the rules age
appropriate. But we cannot be afraid to parent.
The
Mistake:
Not Celebrating the Little Things in Life. If there is
one thing that young children continually teach us, it
is how to celebrate the little things in life. There
are so many things that we as adults take for granted.
As parents, it is easy for us to get overwhelmed.
There seems to be so much to do and the responsibility
of being a parent can be frightening. Often our days
are stressful and tiring. I remember coming home from
work one day when my daughter, Julie was four years
old. As I drove up the street, I saw her dancing in
the front yard. She was completely oblivious to
everything but her dance as she held her arms out
looking up at the sky. I stopped the car and watched
her for ten minutes before she realized that I was
there. By that time, I too was caught up in her
wonderment of life. God's fingerprints are there each
day in our lives. He always gives us something
to celebrate and we need to share these with others.
The
Lesson:
Parents and children need to look for God's
fingerprints each day.
The
Mistake: Cramming "Jesus Time" into an Hour
a Week. It is easy to keep God in a box and bring Him
out at convenient times. Sunday school, church and
prayers at meals usually fit our schedule. A
real relationship with Jesus means a lot more.
It is a lifestyle. It is not just bringing Jesus out
at convenient times. It is bringing Him out all the
time. It is reading the Bible. It is daily
devotions and quiet time. It is praying for and with
our family. It is knowing that God cares about every
aspect of our lives and longs for us to include Him.
Being a Christian parent is not just a title. It
is a lifestyle. A popular Phillips, Craig and Dean
song says it well in this father's prayer, "I
want to be just like You, because he wants to be just
like me."
The
Lesson:
We need to weave the spiritual into every aspect of
our lives.
The
Mistake:
Squelching Dreams. Dr. Simon writes, "Parents
typically support a child's dreams during the early
childhood years. But when special interests and skills
emerge during school years, efforts to encourage
realistic plans often destroy dreams. As we support
our children, parents need to find a balance."
Often the dreams of our children have a familiar ring
to them. We may have been there and done that.
Our experiences may cast a shadow over their dreams.
We may squelch their creativity. We may send the
message to dream small if at all. We do not want
to shortchange our children. Certainly as
parents, there is time for us to insert a reality
check, but our children need to be able to dream. They
need to be able to hope for the future. Allowing our
children to become who God intended for them to be and
to fulfill God's plan for their life is an exciting
thing. To encourage them in their dreams and to
look to the future with them, walking together in
Christ is a priceless opportunity.
The
Lesson:
Encourage realistic plans, but also nurture dreams.
The
media spends a lot of time telling us about bad
parents, but a lot of us are doing a good job.
We are not perfect, but we are willing to admit our
mistakes and learn from them. Our children know
when we are trying and it makes our mistakes a lot
easier to take. Effective parenting is a
process. We change and so do our children. There
are constant adjustments. We do not just get it
right and arrive at perfect parenthood. I believe that
as we walk along the road of parenting, we will not
stray too far as we allow God to walk hand in hand
with us. He is the Perfect Parent and will equip
us for the task of parenting.
C.F.
"Kim" Kimberling, Jr., D.Min.
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